A common complaint a lot of the leaders and teams I work with have is that they are overwhelmed, overscheduled, and overburdened. When you pull back the curtain on the beliefs and assumptions of feeling this way you find there’s a control issue at play. Specifically, leaders and their teams are trying to exert 100% control over issues and events that are out of their control. By doing so, they reduce their effectiveness and unknowingly lose control of what is in their control.
For example, here’s a short list of events or ssies you do not have 100% control over:
The Erratic driver on the way to work
The weather
The bad mood of a friend or family member
The political gridlock in your state or the nation’s capital
Tax legislation
The snarky comment from an unhappy colleague at work
There is not one item on the above list you have 100% control of. So, that begs the question, what are you 100% in control of? You are in control of four things:
What you think
What you believe
What you feel
What you do
If you chunk this list down even further, you will find that the only thing you are 100% in control of…is you.
This can be a liberating or intimidating realization for some people. It’s liberating in the sense that when you stop trying to control what you can’t control you gain control over what you can control. It is also liberating in that you have the wisdom now to choose a different response in order to get a different result.
But it can also be intimidating. For some people the most accessible path to feeling good about themselves is to blame someone or something other than themselves. I know it feels good because I’ve done it myself.
Here’s what I’ve learned. When I confuse what I cannot control with what I can control I drive myself crazy. When I try and control things that are out of my control it leads to feeling dissed: dissatisfied, distracted, distressed, dismayed, disillusioned, disgusted, discontent, or diminished. Feeling dissed, if left unattended, reduces my creativity, innovation, and growth.
Wisdom Application: Is there an area in your personal and professional life where you feel dissed? If yes, are you trying to control the uncontrollable? What can you control today to make the situation a 1% better today?
When you want to feel more in control your best strategy is to clarify what’s 100% in your control and then do one thing that is in your control to make the situation better.
I can’t control whether you take this wisdom to heart, but I can control my belief that you’re the very best person to know what’s best for you.
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